Wracked Robin

meereschristophers replied to your post: Losing Time

*hugs* if you like. Totally understandable! Our hosts would freak out if something like that happened to them, too, even after almost 6 years of knowing abt our multiplicity. To your parts it’s probably normal though? They must lose time constantly.

Thank you! *hugs* It’s nice to be reassured that I’m not just wildly overreacting.

queer-forever replied to your post: Losing Time

<3 (((hugs))) i really hope your therapist can help you. you deserve to feel safe and happy.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. *hugs back*

Losing Time

I haven’t posted anything on here in a while. I think probably because overall I’ve been feeling better. My anxiety has been lower this year in school. I’ve been able to focus better. There have been some rocky patches, but it’s not nearly as bad as last year.

That said, figuring out my head has been very difficult. Communication with my parts is iffy. I’m confused by a lot of things in my head. I don’t know what’s going on a lot of the time.

The biggest thing that I’m noticing now that I didn’t before is how much time I’m losing. When I was first diagnosed with DD-NOS I didn’t think I’d had memory gaps for years and years. I thought losing time was something that happened to me before I was 18.

Well, I was wrong.

I can see how I wouldn’t know. How do you know you’ve forgotten something if you’ve forgotten it? Looking back, there were some times I have a blank spot, but I rationalized it away. But now, my lost time is getting more obvious and I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all.

The memory gaps I explained away were things like the fact that I don’t remember any book I read while I was pregnant. I can even remember opening them and closing them at different times. What I read is completely lost to me. And all the things I’ve forgotten aren’t like a normal forgetting where you have a vague sense of familiarity when you think of it, like you know you should know it but you just can’t quite think of it. It’s a black space for me. There’s nothing there. Not like what happens when I’ve naturally forgotten something, it’s like it never happened.

I also lost a little more than half a season of Supernatural. My husband commented that we were rewatching episodes and I was very confused. He doesn’t watch that show without me, he remembered things about the episodes, but I didn’t have any memory of it.

A couple of weeks ago after I had sex with my husband I fell asleep right after. The next morning I was amused with myself. Isn’t the stereotype that it’s the man, not the woman, that orgasms then rolls over and starts snoring? So, when I had a moment alone with him I apologized for passing out post-coitus.

He didn’t know what I was talking about.

He told me I didn’t fall asleep after sex. He was really confused and so was I. If I didn’t fall asleep, what did I do? Apparently I had a nice long conversation with him. He said I didn’t seem quite myself, but that he wasn’t too worried about it. I talked to him about what was going on in therapy and other things. Then I went to the bathroom, cleaned up, came back to bed, and went to sleep.

Somebody had a nice conversation with my hubby. It wasn’t me. I know I have parts. I should be at least semi-resigned to that. I guess I’m not, because it freaked me the fuck out.

This morning I waited at the bus stop so I could get to class. No buses came while I was waiting. A classmate saw me and stopped to give me a ride to class. I was surprised at how late it was. It hadn’t seemed like I’d been waiting at the stop that long. After classes were over, she gave me a ride back. She gave another classmate a ride too, a really nice girl who’s a friend of mine named Amy. We talked and it came up that I’d gotten a ride that morning too.

Amy wanted to know why I hadn’t taken the bus this morning.

I explained that no buses had come while I was waiting.

Apparently they had. A bus Amy was on had pulled up to my stop and I had let it go without trying to get on. I thought she was mistaken. It must be yesterday she was thinking of. She said no, I was wearing the shirt I am wearing today. It’s a distinctive shirt.

She said when the bus came I was looking down the street to the east very intently. I wasn’t facing away from the bus, in fact when it turned the corner it would have passed right in front of my eyeline. When it pulled up it would have been to my right about 8 feet away from me. I couldn’t have not seen it.

I never saw it.

Then I thought about how by the clock on my friend’s dash this morning, I had been at that stop about 15 minutes. It had only felt like 5. So, this morning at the bus stop for maybe 10 minutes or so, the lights were on but I wasn’t home. I have no idea who was home.

Again, maybe this shouldn’t bother me but it did. Freaked me out.

So, when I got home I attacked a big evergreen bush I don’t like. I didn’t even change out of my school clothes. I took the loppers and chopped down everything I could. For the rest we’ll need a chain-saw. I’m covered in scrapes and scratches and I got some pokey seeds stuck in my clothes but I’m a bit calmer now.

We’ll see what my therapist has to say about it tomorrow. I’m confused and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to keep it from happening. It upsets me to not have control of my body, especially out in public standing alone on a busy street.

I don’t like this.

chaos-under-construction asked:

1. Best thing you ever ate? Hmmm… probably something chocolate. I love chocolate and pb.

2. Favorite thing you used to do before you were 12 or the body was 12? Swim. I looooved the swimming pool.

3. Favorite cartoon or animated movie? My Neighbor Totoro. I want a totoro tattoo.

4. What kind a pet do you wish you had? I very much miss having cats. My hubby is allergic, though.

5. Chocolate or Vanilla or Strawberry? Chocolate. Strawberry is good as long as there are no chunks of strawberries.

6. Tattoo or piercing you don’t have but want to get? Well, that’s funny. Like I said, I want a Totoro tattoo. I wouldn’t mind another earring.

7. What is a thing you did as a kid and still do because you like it even if its a kid thing to do? I make wishes on the first dip into new pb or butter.

8. What age is the best age to be for you if you had a choice? 21

9. Favorite color? Purple

10. Talent or thing you do that you feel you are pretty good at doing? I give good massages.

11. Name your best feature? My eyes.

xoxo thanks for tagging me. *hug*

tagged by meereschristophers:

Rule one: Always post the rules

Rule two: answer the questions the person who tagged you asked and write 11 new ones

Rule three: tag 11 people and link them to the post

Rule four: actually tell them you tagged them

—————————————

  1. Who’s answering (can be more than one)? Robin
  2. Is there something you like to talk about but worry you are annoying others with? When I’m having problems and want to talk about them.
  3. Favourite fandom and why? Firefly is shiny.
  4. If you could be a fictional character for a year, would you do it? Who would you be? If I could work something out with my family, sure. I think I would find a character that was a good genie that gave unlimited wishes and then give myself to someone I trusted for a year, probably my husband.
  5. If a fairy offered you the power to turn your enemies into toads, would you do it? Definitely.
  6. ^ What price would you pay? Tiny fairy blow-job?
  7. OK non-fictional questions now. Do you like your own hand-writing? It looks a lot better when I write with pencil.
  8. What’s a skill you have that you are proud of? I am a trained massage therapist
  9. What’s a skill you are learning or would like to have? I am in dental school (it’s insane)
  10. What skill or trait do you admire most in your friends? Giving me love and cuddles and flirts
  11. Are you always on time or often late for things? I go back and forth between late and early.

Mine:

1. Garlic or no garlic?

2. Which is better, cleavage or legs?

3. Most beautiful place you’ve ever visited?

4. Favorite branch of science and why?

5. Three bands/musicians you listen to most often?

6. Least favorite color and why?

7. Manga or Comic Books?

8. Which is better, a warm sunny day or a cool cloudy one?

9. Who are more capable of cruelty, men or women?

10. God: divine holy great one or complete asshole?

11. Wanna flirt?

I tag: chaos-under-construction, that-russian-asshole, pianoflute2 , eightyfourgreenbugs , maddamredders-yaoi , consulting-timelord-angeldestinysomeone , aithne

londonfairy:

manim0:

gookgod:

this is some yuri manga type shit man

i smell the gay and it has polluted the whole room

I always REBLOG this when I see it

And they lived happily ever after…

Strong Embarrassment is a Good Motivator

If you don’t want to hear insecure whinings, please move on.

Read More

chaos-under-construction:

For #wrackedrobin because she said I can color for her. - Alik

Awww Alik colored me a picture. I love it. Thank you!

chaos-under-construction:

For #wrackedrobin because she said I can color for her. - Alik

Awww Alik colored me a picture. I love it. Thank you!

But, I believe you.

But, I believe you.

brylow:

how the bi-bros get fit quick


mwah&#8230; mwah&#8230; mwah&#8230; mwah

brylow:

how the bi-bros get fit quick

mwah… mwah… mwah… mwah

screwthisimrecovering:

Reminder: just because someone may have it worse than you doesn’t mean your problems don’t matter

sleepybrowneyes:

seifukucat:

googled “dog swearing” and wasn’t disappointed

His fucking look of determination. Like, “you’re going to fucking jail Greg.”


This makes me giggle every time.

sleepybrowneyes:

seifukucat:

googled “dog swearing” and wasn’t disappointed

His fucking look of determination. Like, “you’re going to fucking jail Greg.”

This makes me giggle every time.

iwatchforsasha:

Fantastic Breasts and Where to Find Them

Badassery.
Also… I like Ouran Host Club fanfics. *blush*

What is: CoCSA

selfcareafterrape:

CoCSA stands for Child on Child sexual abuse.

A lot of CoCSA is written off as children being children- but even when children are being children it can have long lasting and traumatizing effects.

and survivors of it deserve respect and more space and more explicit conversations about what happened to them being valid.

It can be hard to talk about CoCSA because we don’t want to admit that children honestly hurt other children or that children are capable of doing severe damage- but they are.

It is up to individual survivors, and only those survivors, whether or not they choose to hold the other child completely to blame, or to blame the parents, or the teachers, or a mixture. 

CoCSA is not easier to deal with because the other person involved was a child as well. In ways- it is much harder because people are even quicker to absolve the other party of being guilty. To minimize the effects that it can have.

As with CSA, CoCSA includes a wide variety of behaviors. 

From performing sexual acts to forcing sexual acts to be performed on them, to molestation, to exposure to porn or making another child watch them masturbate or making the other child masturbate in front of them. 

Survivors of CoCSA often struggle with people accusing them of making it up, or blowing things out of proportion. They’re asked if it was really like that- why they didn’t say anything back then. They are invalidated on a large scale.

When dealing with survivors of CoCSA, as with all survivors, it is important to not continue this invalidation. Their trauma is valid. Their pain is valid. and they deserve to have their voices listened to.

O.O I started reading this, and as soon as I saw “child on child sexual abuse” I got dizzy.

I complained about my brother touching me so often that my father actually turned it into a joke. “Pinching private parts” was the punchline. I imagine my brother was told “Don’t do that”. As far as I know nothing else was ever done.

He was also very violent with me. I was told “it takes two to make a fight” and I was asked what I did to antagonize him. I would show my parents the bruises and scrapes and they would tell me not to fight with my brother.
My brother who is three years older. Three years. He was so much bigger and stronger than me.
I never had a chance.

that-russian-asshole:

secretsofthedragon:

dissociating-in-wonderland:

pastel-gizibe:

vacidicar:

spadenightmaren:

what if your phobias are based off how you died in a past life

Why is this not getting around faster

I WAS KILLED BY CATERPILLARS??!??!?!

Mannequins/dolls?

I was killed by a cluster of holes….

Epidemic caused by insufficient hygiene? Depending on when I last lived, this is actually really realistic.

I live in the midwest. My fear of sharks is completely unreasonable. Specifically, I’m afraid of sharks biting my feet. So, in a past life a shark bit off my feet and killed me.

Better than my daughter who was killed by moths. Terrible way to go.